That's why we divorced. She was a muggle. Next wife's got to be a politico.

If you have watched The Thick of It, you'll get that title and if not, you should watch it. On November 5th, 2020, I sat in front of the TV, watching the election unfold, sick to my stomach that we would have another 4 years of who you can barely call a human being playing at running the country. I stitched this up while watching. I was pleasantly surprised the next morning when he lost. HE LOST. The pattern was created by MeowKapowPatterns on Etsy.

Then the idiot took classified documents from the White House and hid them in his fucking TOILET. Pattern by Subversive Cross Stitch. You couldn't make this shit up.

My terrible satin stitching

 Now that I am getting back into embroidery, I want to try a little more "painting".  I think I have stayed away from getting back into it to much because now the trend with embroidery is to "paint" with the thread and I don't have the thread or the patience to fill everything in.  And then it makes me feel like "Wow, my crappy old line work is nothing compared to these super fancy ones".  I may have said this before...  anyway, I'm not sure confident in my satin stitch, so I thought I would practice.  

I did this one for Haylan, just for the hell of it.  Not a lot of satin stitch but it's a start.  The pattern is by MiNiceStitch on Etsy.  

Ode to My Little Sister

This post is dedicated to my little sister. I don’t get to see her NEARLY enough, and she's been on my mind today. She’s about 6 years younger than me and when we were kids, we were typical sisters. One minute, we were snuggled up together reading or watching TV, and the next minute, I was slamming her head in the door (TOTALLY on accident, I felt really horrible about that). 

We have the same twisted sense of humor and love for all things morbid. As adults, I can say I have never slammed her head in the door. And she is REALLY funny. I’m very proud of the woman she has become. She’s a badass mom, she’s very strong, and doesn’t take a lot of crap off of people. At the same time, she is kind and thoughtful, and overall has a good head on her shoulders. She has found a wonderful man to call her husband, and he takes good care of her, though she doesn’t really need taken care of. But I love that she can live the life she wants and not have to struggle for anything.

Now, back to that same twisted sense of humor- I have done several stitched pieces for her, some of them she has requested and some of them I just did for her. You know that meme with the “ERMAHGERD” girl? It’s something we have laughed at until we cried over the years, all of the different versions of it. So when I saw this, I HAD to make it for her.  She has assured me that this will always hang in her house!

I made this for her as a request. What’s funny is that she had it hanging in her fancy bathroom. I think that since they have purchased a house, her husband has asked her not to hang things like that up (I get it, I’m not offended. He thinks it’s funny, but he a lil fancy.) BUT it hung for a couple of years at least!

Then of course… ERMAHGERD ERNAMERNTS!

More Snarky Gifts

I made this one for my friend Karen, who is kind of a Karen. I found the pattern and copied it and since I was broke at the time and I didn't sell it, I didn't see the harm. Maybe that makes me a piece of shit. Whatever, bitches.

I got this one from Etsy and made it for my Granny. She was sparkly, so I put it in a sparkly frame. She has since passed away, and my parents moved into my grandparents' old house, and my mom, who is not a cross stitch aesthetic kind of lady, has kept it in the kitchen, which means the world to me.

I found the Bill and Ted pattern on Pinterest and then I created the quote from an alphabet pattern I have. I didn't get a picture of it before I gifted it, and I also didn't iron it (obviously!), and this is the only picture I have of it. I can't get another because the person I made it for and I are no longer friends. I made her a few pieces, and I often wonder if she threw them out when we "broke up"... I hope not but if so, I get it. I'd rather have had them back but... whatever, bitches.

This is a quote from 30 Rock and it's accurate AF.  This was a gift to myself.

A Murderable Offense

Pattern from Night Spirit Studio. I did this one back in 2019. I dyed the aida myself and I remember working on it with a friend. She said she wanted to do some cross stitching with me.  I got very excited, even though she wanted to stitch up a stupid quote from some stupid movie. She insisted she knew how to cross stitch already and was stitching it with all 6 strands and it just looked HORRIBLE. The fabric she cut was way too small and so she did a thing where she trailed the words down the side.  She said she was gonna give it to her boyfriend. And I was thinking "WTF why would you make something you know is garbage and give it as a gift?"  I said "I thought you liked him though..."  

What a fucking mess (the cross stitch, the now ex-friend, AND the relationship).  Anyway, not sure why I went on that hateful tangent but I really love this piece :)

Sept Slump

I'm tired and sort of blehhhh because I'm ready for autumn but autumn is not ready for me and it's hot and I hate life. Here are some cross stitches I've done in the past, though, that brought me joy. 

One of the only MAGAs I can get on board with... I remember stitching this up and posting it on Instagram and my metalhead friend Marco was like "No. Please don't". LOL I made this frame out of Perler beads as well because it was something I just stitched up randomly because I had to get my stitch fix like a junkie, and the fabric was too small for a frame.

I found this one on Pinterest and since I do not have nor want kids (and at this point, I have no uterus so it's not even an issue), but at the time, we had cats.

I have no idea what was going on here. The little guys are from one of the Makoto Oozu cross stitch books, and I thought it was very clever to put "Thug life" under there, as if I have ever even come within a thousand miles of "thug life".

Another "gotta stitch, gotta stitch" project and I made a cute pin out of this one!

Spoopy Stitches

It's always a good day for spooky stitches!! I have noticed an increase in the past years of spooky things being more acceptable. I do love that, and I find it really interesting, and I wonder why that is. I don't care enough to ponder. Here are some more spooky stitches from beyond the grave... well not really, but from the past (since that is ALL I used to do!)

Here are a couple from a set of little ones I did and sent to my sister, who also loves spookies. I have a pic of the whole set but it's SUPER blurry.

I found this one on Pinterest as well.

I made this pattern.. kind of.

Momma Moon

Pattern by mamawitch on Etsy

Random Smaller Stitches

Sometimes I have this urge to stitch, but I don't wanna do a big project, so I like to do little tinies. Here is a metal hand- Horns up!

This is from one of the Makoto Oozu books I have. I made the frame out of Perler Beads.

I found this one on Pinterest. I really love the thread I picked for it.

Another one I found online- I hate how there is schmutz on it that I can't get off.

And finally, a tiny Cthulhu head that I found online.

Oh My God, I'm Back Agaaaain....

AHA! I'm back to do some more sporadic posting! Lots has changed, again. But for the good! I got a MUCH MUCH better job than the one I had last time. Better job, better location (work from home), and MUCH better pay. I've been here for about a year and a half. I'm often quite busy, so I don't have a lot of time to blog. However, I have had this in the back of my mind and I have wanted to pick it back up forever, so I will try my best! I have such things to show you...

Butterfly Face

I am trying to get my hand back into embroidery.  As you can see from this one, my stitches are uneven and not very straight, but I think this will come back to me as I practice.  

This is one I just thought was kind of cool because she's a tattooed person and the butterfly was fun to do as well.  Pattern by MiNiceStitch on Etsy.  I finished her last night.